I was sharing with a friend early this month that I wanted to do something "unselfish". To give back, which I used to do when I younger - when time felt limitless. Unlike now. The cruel hand of the "life-clock" feels like it's on a mission to terminate. Termination date unknown.
side note: Did you see that scrolling yahoo article about being able to know how or when you will die... Yeah, like why would anyone want to upset the years they got left with that stressful suggestion?
So, my friend was asking what kind of work I was looking for, having been out of work due to heal and repair time.
I'd like to. Hope to. Get out of this selfish mode, a way of being that comes much too naturally. To fulfill thy self. And I got this puppy down in spades: no kids, no companion, no dependents. Just me to fill the ticking days of this life-clock. My friends are all the same, which doesn't help this inner-focused mindset, where marriage is an out there fantasy, due to the lack of options, and the maternal clock also has yet to start ticking. Yes, birds of a feather.
Find someone good enough to be the father of your child, and perhaps the ticking will spark. Than again, my friends and I are very aware of the world we're living in. We're afraid to bring children into this fucking mess.
But yeah, this job thing. Freak, it's utterly, freaking terrible. Do I even try getting back to the min 15hr day??? Though, it is where I most feel at home... Urrggg!!!
Like, I see it, on the street. I don't drive. I walk, take the bus, and I'm not hooked to a device that sucks away my attention. I see what's out there. So many lost, sad and lonely faces. There's a lot of need out there. Sure, it's out there globally, but start in the city you live in first.
My hands are wringing, and I'm getting tired.
But I am writing. That's the highlight. Going good so far. Large ensemble, female driven (no whores, hookers, rape victims, super heroes). I hope to finish it (knock on forehead X 3).
haven't written in so long. if anyone read this - cool.
