This week is crammed: lots of dinners, catching up with friends, some light baking, lots of sleep, and just being still. Silent and Still. Even if it's on the bus from point A to B to C. A delicious mind freeze from the daily funk.
But more importantly...this journey, this life, this one life, this breath I'm taking as I write, thinking of what brilliance I should slap on the page can feel damn singular when you have standards and are not willing to settle.
I'm not perfect, far from it. But I'm trying, everyday, to let go of crap, learn from mistakes, forgive, look above and not to my circumstances, and laugh whenever possible. Laughing helps a lot. Laughing kills pain. Luckily I laugh easy.
I'm just getting tired from the wrong kind of traffic.
When a boy/man starts to like you, whereas from before you were just "friends" on some kind of level, the air around them becomes hazy and still. They suddenly lose the ability to speak. It's sweet. I'm flattered.
I just want to feel butterflies. That awesome, hyper-excited nausea, where every word you speak comes out all wrong, and you spend most of the night re-thinking, re-speaking everything you said, instead of sleeping. Yeah. I wanna feel that. These people also tend to make you laugh the most.
No woman haters. No bed jumpers. No babies. No angry men who need to control, cause they don't love themselves, yet. And take a breath, cause I don't care how much you know about this and that. Enough with that.
Can't it just be like before. When people met organically. When men were cool enough to approach you like a man. Call you like a man. No texting. No games. Just honest, consistent, chivalry.
...I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
28 Days Later
In bed most of the day. Visited an extremely awful walk-in clinic and was improperly diagnosed. She said I didn't have a cold. I feel like I've been run over by a mack truck, and my waste basket is brimming with soiled tissues from blowing my nose.
...perhaps I'm not sick. She could be right. My body might just be settling down from a stretch of physical work I'm not used to.
I mostly write. More visual brain power, less muscle power. Well, not enough muscle to move set walls with ease. Thankfully, there were enough boy muscles on set for that.
Having just finished a feature film where my bit was dressing the set and occasionally helping with props, who could foresee the bodily downgrade coming my way. I kinda knew what would be asked for (having never done it before). I had to learn fast. There was a short of bodies at times, sometimes too many. I was given permission some days to leave early, which was awesome. Cause when your commute home is almost 2hrs, the last thing you wanna do is stay when wrap 2:30am.
I wasn't paid a penny. I even paid for my own transit to get to locations, but this experience, though killing me softly at times, was worth every second. Knowledge is priceless. And knowing if I want to earnestly get into SetDress/Props, crossing it off or keeping it on the list is worth a measly 28 days out of my life. In turn, I worked with an awesome crew. My Art Department crew especially. Such sweet people.
Being a Set Dresser, perhaps for this film in particular, made it tuff to get to know people in other departments. You're eyes are always on the monitor, if you can find a space between dozens of other onlookers, and nearly always on the set, where the dressing must remain still, unmoved, untouched, seamless - it isn't easy. There's always something that isn't placed perfectly, but hopefully the camera isn't roving just there.
Right now, as I feel the Advil wearing off and the discomfort in my right chest coming forward...
side note: I had a surgical procedure yesterday. Hurt like a mother-f**ker. It may have hurt even more; I have a high threshold for pain.
I wonder about the months ahead. Some people on my team said they would hire me (with pay) for upcoming work. So awesomely cool, and the bonus...I genuinely like these people. But, to note, I will never fetch you coffee again! Just sayin'.
I don't know what lies in the Spring. What doors will open in-between. If I get a car, cause having a car is a definite bonus in film, cause some locations are in a nose-hole, in a city where women travelling alone is damn shitty, the decision may come easier. Only time will tell.
Right now I need to fully recover. Get back to 89-100%. Write, cause I've been seriously stuck in rut for too long. I know what I want to write, so clearly, but the page is empty. Not completely stark, but more stark than I'm used to.
side note: Sometimes I think I'm too nice. I take a lot of crap cause I totally understand that "choose your battles wisely" thing. And I'd rather keep the peace than be a bitch.
Nice isn't weakness. Nice sometimes means, "I'll let you get away with it, cause you're human, just like me. Cause some days I'm anything but nice."
...perhaps I'm not sick. She could be right. My body might just be settling down from a stretch of physical work I'm not used to.
I mostly write. More visual brain power, less muscle power. Well, not enough muscle to move set walls with ease. Thankfully, there were enough boy muscles on set for that.
Having just finished a feature film where my bit was dressing the set and occasionally helping with props, who could foresee the bodily downgrade coming my way. I kinda knew what would be asked for (having never done it before). I had to learn fast. There was a short of bodies at times, sometimes too many. I was given permission some days to leave early, which was awesome. Cause when your commute home is almost 2hrs, the last thing you wanna do is stay when wrap 2:30am.
I wasn't paid a penny. I even paid for my own transit to get to locations, but this experience, though killing me softly at times, was worth every second. Knowledge is priceless. And knowing if I want to earnestly get into SetDress/Props, crossing it off or keeping it on the list is worth a measly 28 days out of my life. In turn, I worked with an awesome crew. My Art Department crew especially. Such sweet people.
Being a Set Dresser, perhaps for this film in particular, made it tuff to get to know people in other departments. You're eyes are always on the monitor, if you can find a space between dozens of other onlookers, and nearly always on the set, where the dressing must remain still, unmoved, untouched, seamless - it isn't easy. There's always something that isn't placed perfectly, but hopefully the camera isn't roving just there.
Right now, as I feel the Advil wearing off and the discomfort in my right chest coming forward...
side note: I had a surgical procedure yesterday. Hurt like a mother-f**ker. It may have hurt even more; I have a high threshold for pain.
I wonder about the months ahead. Some people on my team said they would hire me (with pay) for upcoming work. So awesomely cool, and the bonus...I genuinely like these people. But, to note, I will never fetch you coffee again! Just sayin'.
I don't know what lies in the Spring. What doors will open in-between. If I get a car, cause having a car is a definite bonus in film, cause some locations are in a nose-hole, in a city where women travelling alone is damn shitty, the decision may come easier. Only time will tell.
Right now I need to fully recover. Get back to 89-100%. Write, cause I've been seriously stuck in rut for too long. I know what I want to write, so clearly, but the page is empty. Not completely stark, but more stark than I'm used to.
side note: Sometimes I think I'm too nice. I take a lot of crap cause I totally understand that "choose your battles wisely" thing. And I'd rather keep the peace than be a bitch.
Nice isn't weakness. Nice sometimes means, "I'll let you get away with it, cause you're human, just like me. Cause some days I'm anything but nice."
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