Sleep is only for bedtime

No one's truly lucky in this one-life challenge.

What looks great, perfect and envied from one gaze can be the complete opposite of what is true. Assumptions dare the imagination. Perception is vague. Truth seldom trumps.

Am I getting too dark? Or too honest. Honesty is, at times, darkly perceived. Some people call me an idealist, but I consider myself a hard realist. 

I feel a bit lost these days, working in an insanely unsatisfying environment. Pulled by needs and a desperate lack of time. Age constantly creeps, without retreat, reminding me while in my misery that I'm so far from where I'd like to be, and there are some days, some moments, I don't even know where I want to be.

Thankfully I do have one constant: God. That'll never change.

But this world is... changing fast. See, beneath the thin sleepy veneer, distracted by subhuman television, really bad music, and really really bad fashion, a divisive goal is underway. Few are aware of this unforgiveable plan, many don't want to hear of it (as if it will go away), and most have no clue. Knowing isn't easy. Knowing just keeps you very sober.

If you've never heard of transhumanism, look it up. If you don't know what an rfid chip is. Also look it up. It'll sounds like fantasy, like a summer Hollywood Blockbuster. Fiction. But it's far from, and that's the unforgivable truth.

I tweeted a response to something a while back (the tweet actually disappeared - funny). Something like, "transhumanism is the death of conscience humanity and morality". Which it is. It's freaking crazy. And the rfid chip, just the same but more frightening: easily tracked, funds easily drained (not by you), freedom - (unplug you) Over. Don't be sold by the commercials where people are freely giving their freedom away, looking happy and shit. Cause it's just crap wrapped in pretty paper with pretty people selling you a life term prison sentence.

Easily hunted. Easily programmed. No escape.

If you are, don't roll your eyes (if you are). Just take some time to look it up. I've been wanting to write about this for a while. Share with the few that read my blog. Even though I don't know you, I care about you, and I especially care about what's left of this floating rock.


Never lose your freedom to speak. Never be afraid to ask questions. The truth is often buried beneath a stack of lies. But also, the truth is very simple.

Round Up

It's been long since I posted. Been inhumanly busy, a freak schedule, running my energy to the ground, and none of it for selfish gain. Sure I pocketed some green, but I lost time, a season of life - gone. Made a friend, then let the friendship go cause everything at one point must die.

For a while I've been running on a different track, searching, finding, hiding, questioning and getting angry with every dang turn. The world is a vast wilderness and I'm itsy bitsy, and thus feel lost but not on this deranged trail called 'your every waking existence' till you just don't wake up.

side note: It's truly a killer disappointment when someone you thought was cool turns out to be sooo not. I like people who are different, have quirks and their own rhythm and beat, but crazy-volcanic, uber-sensitive, uber-paranoid - yeah, this will never be my cup of tea. Ever.

Some people hide their demons well. But eventually they surface.

Better to laugh than cry, I always say.

Then there's this lost love thing. When you decide to let someone go. From every spatial corner of your utter being. That always sucks. When there's no one to even daydream about. Am I growing up or have I lost heart? I asked a friend. Actually commented that,
"getting older sucks". She laughed. Agrees. She's in her 50s but looks and acts like she's in her 30s. I love people who never give into societal standards. She also has the most wicked name, which I cannot reveal. There's probably only 2 people in the whole world that have it.

But I have to get back to me. Chuck some bullshit out of the way. Shoulda done it before the year started. Don't think too far ahead. Buy some pretty clothes. Dye my hair (tomorrow), and bake for my friends, and my neighbour.

I have a possible chance to visit Cali... It's on the shelf. I have an uncle who needs some prayer. I'd like to pray for him.

At least men in Cali approach women, unlike men in my city. My Cali cousins don't believe this truth. One asshole asked if my friends were ugly and fat (meaning why men never approach them), he's from Spain. I appreciate his bluntness. His bluntness suggests that he does approach women (which he does), or that he's just a douche. But he did also wonder why I'm still single/why men don't approach me. Correction. Why potential men don't approach me. Unlike the sweet but young 20 somethings, polyamorous charmers, chatty pervs, men looking for their mother, control stalking oafs and slick players.

And my friends are all very attractive. They just don't settle.

And for the longest time I've been adapting my novel into a script. It's taking some time. Hard to make time when I'm working 10 hours a day. Will try in March.

Aside from the above...I'm trying to see the light. Trying. Clicking on cute cat and dog videos, uplifting stories about people being kind, and trying new baking recipes. Cause aside from the crap and lies on the regular news feed, this vast world is getting increasingly small and our freedom stripped.

So many are still asleep. Occupied by bad television, OkStupid and tinder.

I may need to visit Cali after all. At least to tell my armfuls of family, " I love you".