It's been long since I posted. Been inhumanly busy, a freak schedule, running my energy to the ground, and none of it for selfish gain. Sure I pocketed some green, but I lost time, a season of life - gone. Made a friend, then let the friendship go cause everything at one point must die.
For a while I've been running on a different track, searching, finding, hiding, questioning and getting angry with every dang turn. The world is a vast wilderness and I'm itsy bitsy, and thus feel lost but not on this deranged trail called 'your every waking existence' till you just don't wake up.
side note: It's truly a killer disappointment when someone you thought was cool turns out to be sooo not. I like people who are different, have quirks and their own rhythm and beat, but crazy-volcanic, uber-sensitive, uber-paranoid - yeah, this will never be my cup of tea. Ever.
Some people hide their demons well. But eventually they surface.
Better to laugh than cry, I always say.
Then there's this lost love thing. When you decide to let someone go. From every spatial corner of your utter being. That always sucks. When there's no one to even daydream about. Am I growing up or have I lost heart? I asked a friend. Actually commented that,
"getting older sucks". She laughed. Agrees. She's in her 50s but looks and acts like she's in her 30s. I love people who never give into societal standards. She also has the most wicked name, which I cannot reveal. There's probably only 2 people in the whole world that have it.
But I have to get back to me. Chuck some bullshit out of the way. Shoulda done it before the year started. Don't think too far ahead. Buy some pretty clothes. Dye my hair (tomorrow), and bake for my friends, and my neighbour.
I have a possible chance to visit Cali... It's on the shelf. I have an uncle who needs some prayer. I'd like to pray for him.
At least men in Cali approach women, unlike men in my city. My Cali cousins don't believe this truth. One asshole asked if my friends were ugly and fat (meaning why men never approach them), he's from Spain. I appreciate his bluntness. His bluntness suggests that he does approach women (which he does), or that he's just a douche. But he did also wonder why I'm still single/why men don't approach me. Correction. Why potential men don't approach me. Unlike the sweet but young 20 somethings, polyamorous charmers, chatty pervs, men looking for their mother, control stalking oafs and slick players.
And my friends are all very attractive. They just don't settle.
And for the longest time I've been adapting my novel into a script. It's taking some time. Hard to make time when I'm working 10 hours a day. Will try in March.
Aside from the above...I'm trying to see the light. Trying. Clicking on cute cat and dog videos, uplifting stories about people being kind, and trying new baking recipes. Cause aside from the crap and lies on the regular news feed, this vast world is getting increasingly small and our freedom stripped.
So many are still asleep. Occupied by bad television, OkStupid and tinder.
I may need to visit Cali after all. At least to tell my armfuls of family, " I love you".
