I've been on this road. A road that feels long, agonizing, lonely as hell, and aching to my utter being.
It's difficult to complain about shit when the world is in chaos. I feel like a selfish little twit whenever my lips want to drool words of regret or loss. "Buck up" I say to myself. The rocky road will only make you stronger for what lies ahead.
Yeah, I say this to myself. A self-pep while in utter despair, giving compassion onto this still beating heart.
My writing is going well. I still have that, and I keep it close to me, relishing every word that drops on the page. If that ever fails, I fear I'll be surrounded by fire-bombs and endless hail storms fierce enough to destroy mountains and cities, cause in that moment I will realize the world is coming to an end.
Ka-Bang!
Stop. Rewind. I'm not there. Never will be.
I went on a job interview. I thought it had promise. I was kind of excited. But there was one major Red Flag waving as I walked to where I would be meeting this prospective someone. I tried to ignore the doubt that was chewing at the sane part of my brain.
The vocational drought has been tough - cracks literally forming over cracks. Thus, I marched on.
The meeting is set at Starbucks. Cool, it's my second home, I'd feel right at home, surrounded by familiar companions. I was early, on purpose, trying to get some pages in before the Director would arrive. Yeah, I said, Director. He's the writer and director, which can sometimes be a double-edge sword, but I didn't want to finalize any thoughts before sharing a few words with the guy.
He came in. I called him to my table, which was perfect cause the place was crammed. We shook hands, he stepped away to get a drink.
He didn't offer me a drink. A small red-flag. It's tiny, but it spoke volumes. This is just the start to a string of not cool.
He sat down, nervous. Too nervous. I'm relatively calm, all the time.
After giving him a brief overview of my work experience, I started to ask him about the film, which he had trouble answering. Simple questions, nothing complicated.
He took out a piece of paper and drew what he wanted, which could mean A) he's a genius, only able to communicate through symbols and shapes or B) he didn't know what to call anything... He didn't even know what position he was truly hiring for. He could hardy articulate what he truly wanted.
Okay. I can, if need be, fill in the gaps. I knew what he was looking for even if he couldn't explain it. I've worked on sets. I get it.
The more I shared. The more aggravated he got. I'm just simply wanting to understand what he wants, which is essential, not to mention basic communication.
It was awkward.
I asked him why he didn't want to read resumes. He had never asked for one, said he didn't want to see them, stating he rather the person had a passion for film and that skills was not a requirement. Yeah, that was the RED FLAG, I spoke of before. But I didn't want to judge, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
side note: See, I love film. I love the set. I love the collaboration and all hands that are involved. Whether working the craft table, cameras, copying scripts, doing wardrobe, securing locations, whatever the role, I'm thankful for everyone on set. It's a privilege to be on set.
What I didn't like most about this meeting was something the Director said. He said he wanted someone passionate about film, which is great.
*PASSION is the key ingredient to turning out anything successful.
That wasn't the bad part.
This is the bad part. He said, "It's not my money, I don't care if it's shit. This will open so many doors for me. It shouldn't be sooo serious, I just want to have fun.
Excuse me, what did you just say...?
That upset me. Insulted me.
Yeah, film is fun, it is. But almost everything needs structure to survive, especially a film set. It can't be a "let's see where this day takes us..." attitude. When there is no structure on a set, that's when the fun actually stops, cause it turns into chaos real fast.
Also, that bit about not caring if it's shit, it's not his money?
For someone who wants to hire with people with passion, his passion is all but an illusion. Like, c'mon! All those hours, money and time, never to be brought back for every person committed to the film - that's a fucking awful attitude.
He didn't hire me, which is just as well. I'm a communicator. I like structure on ships, ships like a film set. It's essential as the sea we're sailing on. And I have to respect the Captain.
I hope for that Captain's sake, his crew doesn't jump ship.
