Yeah, just one. I believe you get one chance in this life.
This makes it tuff. On so many levels tuff. I'm already kinda selfish in some way. No kids, no one to consider when making life-changing decisions. Just me. Me and God.
Sometimes God makes it more tuff. It's hard to be killer selfish when God whispers in your ear, "Are you sure about that?"
He knows me. Knows that I have this painstaking heart for people, humanity, justice and to be that voice for the unthinkable. There are certain unthinkable crimes in this world that crush my heart. Crimes most people don't think to exist.
Is the road starting to fork? Maybe. The first steps into 2014 will reveal this.
I can choose to stay in this world, the "film" world (Production). Climb, tirelessly, from job to job. Raking hours away, pushing aside my unsettled heart that knows it needs more. That my thirst will never be fully quenched here. I'm losing peace. Inner peace. Soul peace.
I'll still write. Just no sets.
It's not about fun anymore.
Shit.
I'm still waiting for a Civilian position to open with the Toronto Police Service, feels like it's taking forever, been waiting since the summer. My heart is for people, community safety. This is what I hope to do: Take classes at the Toronto Police College, work my way into Missing Persons...Research, who knows? Leave the door open to whatever.
There's this one area of interest I have. I've told a few friends about it. They ask, "Aren't you afraid to get into something like that? Sounds scary"
I'm rarely afraid of evil people. I only fear what evil people continue to get away with.
So... More reading to do in the New Year. Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. It feels right. Lots of research. Maybe a conference.
The bread and butter may be small, to start, but I have to stay true to what feels right.
See what I mean...ONE LIFE.
