The ache is terrible, makes the head real hazy. It's easy to feel foolish in moments like this, but without it life would be too quiet to bear.
I try to push it out, far from any realized thought - reality. But thoughts drift to that cozy all too familiar place we all need, like oxygen. I just try not to suffocate in it. Exhale. Busy myself. Watch something willfully distracting.
It ain't easy.
The mystery gives it life, the unknown... sometimes the truth ruins it. And right now, in this time and place of existence, I'll keep the truth on the shelf. Like I said, it ain't easy. I'm not ready to turn on the vacant light. Sooo bad, I know, but that's okay, for now.
One day, soon, the light will turn on. I've been praying, trying to make new what's been dead. What can I say? What's out there has been laughably sad, and it makes the wait all the more quiet. The last thing I want is to fix, re-dress, re-make. I don't believe in that kind of control. Just as-is. But my as-is doesn't seem to exist at this moment.
I've never believed in justifying enough of anything, prove anything, validate anything. The truth should be obvious. Less is more, always, less is more. Too many pretty words blur what's true. So just shhh.
And step out of the kiddie aisle.
