I felt excited the other day. An unfamiliar yet familiar feeling. Like, I actually smiled genuine.
It was for a new story idea. The thought of writing something grand. The challenge of it: it's gonna be a task.
Unfortunately there aren't any coffee shops available to start the deliciously agonizing process of an outline. Only my desk at home. I'm bored just thinking about it.
I will start (I'm nodding), for sure. This week. Surrounded by snacks and beverages. A movie, or two, maybe three, in the background, so when looking up from the blank sheet my eyes will not drop in despair.
unrelated:
I sometimes venture to the mall for a bit of sad dreary excitement, and see people carrying bundles of new clothes. Hmmm, where in the world are they going to show them off... I spoke about this with a few friends, and they too are confused. They also have seen this in wonderment.
I so want to be optimistic. But when you're informed, have been informed for many years, and begin to see the drawing of those informed words come to life, with what sounds like a threat, after threat, able to see parts of tomorrow moving quickly forward... I can only exhale, be silent, and look to God.
It's like what Lyn Lehaz said, or tried to say in so few words, actually, she couldn't find the words... Yeah, girl, I get it. I get it. You can't utter, out loud, what's in your spirit, because it's hard to face. Grief is never easy to express.
For years I worked on and off in bookstore/s, and people would search for books about grief. To help them with words of encouragement for themselves or others. And watching, listening to Lyn, what she couldn't find words to describe is mostly due to grief. When my grief is that point, feels a bit bottomless, I can only ramble incoherent sounds to God, knowing that he will understand. And he does.
Okay, back to writing.
I will write the outline, and eventually the script. Just to do it. I will still encourage my friends, with every hope and dream they have, because I love them. My grief will not flood them.
oh snap. I said this one will be happier. Okay. The next one. Promise.
