Across a crowded room.
That's how most people notice one another, isn't it?
But these days, though the room be dense with bodies, I see nada.
A friend of mine recently told me she's found the man she wants to marry. I'm truly delighted and happy for her; many prayers were sent for this love to arrive, and he has. But what about just thinking of someone kinda special - just for fun, when nobody's watching. That lost look that begins to glaze over the eyes. What about that? What if such a fantasy no longer exists. There's no one to crush on? No one to think "what if?" No one, that when someone says their name, you smile wide on the inside, and for a brave few, the outside.
I get out, I see people, I meet people. I'm not a shy gal, I usually introduce myself first. I don't stick to the walls and become one with wallpaper. But still, amidst drab conversations, between mercy laughs (which I never do) and short smiles, most of time I'm bored. I've yet to be stimulated. Yet to be intrigued. Mind you I laugh, and at stupid things most of the time, cause truly-truly funny things are hard to come by. So I'll settle for stupid, which is okay - it allows me to think less and laugh more.
Like that gosh darn highschool crush. His name was Dominique. He used to walk behind me when I walked home from school, several meters away (he was shy). I would of course be blabbing to God, cause that's what you do when you think no one's watching. At least I did.
Later, years and years later I saw him working at a bank. I stood in front of him and knew he was from my past. He looked the same, older, and kinda shorter. We had a "I know you" moment, which we shared in silence. Later that year he waved to me at an Echo and the Bunnymen concert. I didn't recognize him without the wood separating us at the Bank.
But it's been soooo long since I've sighed. Blushed, or even giggled about someone. They say "when you least expect it you'll meet them." I believe this statement to be a total lie. Who ever came up with this probably said it to some lonely spinster back in the dark ages who was never asked to dance at court.
But it would be nice. That fuzzy feeling. "The lean" as I call it. The one that causes you to stare just a little bit longer, while thinking absolutely nothing of course. Cause you're just too busy watching.
Must watch more. Must think less.
