It's been a while-- I'll try to update.
I'm going through this thing...I don't know what to call it? What I do know is that I don't like it. I feel like a flowing river rushing towards a broken dam, just flowing at the mercy of a strong current/tide (Gods hand)- seeping into places that I never fathomed to go. I've not lost my sanity, yet.
I did see this handsome stranger, which is rare, so very rare for me. Good looking people are everywhere- the difference is what holds your (my) attention. I feed more off energy and a vibe. Bad vibes make me flee fast, as if running from a virus or toxic stench. Many of my friends are crushing on someone - I don't even have a celeb crush, which is infantile to share, but who do you think about when it gets quiet...I have many quiet/vacant moments without a thought or person crawling across my mind. Hollow, like a coconut.
I have to Up my black wardrobe, which isn't bad. I love black. My new Addams uniform for a time, and only for a time, I hope.
side note: Why are people so sensitive, as if the whole world is out to get them? Don't we leave such childhood feelings in the past, not tossing them in the path for others to trip on.
Insecurities get mucky when we remain too silent. Share the love--
That handsome stranger- he was tall, dark and handsome. Not sure if he was married...did I see a ring? I never look for rings, which causes many of my girlfriends to gasp out loud. I'm horrible at the flirting, look for the ring-thing. I flirt with everyone, without knowing I'm flirting. I laugh easy, it's a problem.
Yesterday on the train, a seventeen year old boy, a child, was giving me the eye. I look younger than I am, but COME ON!!!! A reverse gross-out.
In truth, the last month has been a crushing blow on many levels. A friend assures - Don't worry, the year is almost over. 2012 is two months away.
I replied, "HEY! I only got TWO months to make up for one of the shi**iest years of my life. I'm not giving up!!!"
A lot can happen in 60 days: I could hear from God on something I've been praying about for 20 years (it's big, and worth the wait). I could meet some tall, mature, kind, humble, creative, sexy stranger - My Eagle. I could hear from this agent who has a script I wrote...still waiting...please sign me...insert puppy whimper.
2011 is still a good year! Truth.
