Not written in days, don't ask how many. I hate math.
Right now it's 853pm and I'm listening to Mazzy Star. For those who don't know Mazzy, I feel kinda bad. Mazzy came out when the world was still great, sure it had problems, what decade hasn't. But it was never this level of fucked up.
Right now, the window is open and a refreshing breeze is cooling the room. The nice kinda cool that reminds you that you're alive. Like, when you drive with the windows open at night, the air rushes in the car, passed your skin...you know. Yeah, you know it. It feels great.
Question:
When did we (as people) become this unglued, hyper-sensitive, hateful bunch. Not all of us, but a good fucking handful. We all know at least one.
Of course I'm not talking about you.
But a thread did get pulled, a long-ass thread. I think it started, like, cosmically, in the unseen realm, around 2009...give or take a year. At least that's when I noticed, even commercially, the darkness creeping towards the dawn.
Thank goodness fast fashion is dying.
I've avoided words, I have. For months and months and months. And I love words. It physically pained me, bruised me, and rotted me in this way. I almost resented it/them. Why? Because I had nothing to write, nothing to say about tomorrow. I'm trying to change that with these two blog posts.
Am I all over the place? Maybe. I don't care.
My life, as of late, has been a numb yet emotional ride. Pain doesn't quantify. The knife, the pokes, the blood; the endless seconds hatching more babies. Thankfully each minute is better than the last. And I refuse defeat.
It's so quiet. Is it quiet on your end? Like the telephone line has snapped. I was thinking maybe God wants me to spend more time with him...but I've not reached out to him as much, or anyone. When in pain, solace is all you can bare. Zero emotions, maybe just anger.
When you're sliced from hip to hip, stitched up like a Thanksgiving turkey, you become sharply aware how vital the mid-section is. Laugh, cough, sneeze, rise from the bed - it's a whole new world of hurt. Thankfully I can laugh again.
Be thankful. Hate less. Love way more. Fear not. Fear not. Fear not.
